Written by Jo Martin (The Grammar Mamma)
It’s no secret that being a mum is tough.
A 2018 study that looked at 2,000 American mothers of kids between the ages of five and 12 years old, found on average that mums work 98 hours per week. That’s the equivalent of doing two-and-a-half full-time jobs.
According to the survey, the average mum starts her day around 6:23am and doesn’t clock off until 8:31pm. Of course, there’s no ‘average mum’. Every mum’s lifestyle is different.
But what if you have an actual paid job on top of your role as a mum?
It’s a juggling act
When you run your own business there’s a lot to think about and keep on top of – hitting client deadlines, responding to emails, promoting yourself regularly on social media, sending invoices, self-development, and following up on feedback. The list goes on.
There’s also a lot to consider when raising kids – making sure they eat well, checking their clothes and shoes fit, helping them stay happy and healthy, making sure they behave nicely and don’t fall on their face at the park.
Both roles require a lot of juggling independently of each other, but put them together and it can get very messy. If you’ve ever tried to work with young kids around, you’ll know it’s like trying to walk up the down escalator while carrying a pot of tea!
The good thing about running your own business is that you can make it work for you and your lifestyle. Want to go to the gym after the school run? You can. Need to look after your poorly child? You can. You’re your own boss – you can do what the hell you like.
But there’s also a downside to being your own boss. Firstly, it can be easy to lose motivation and put off the things you need to do, especially if you work from home and there’s washing or tidying to be done.
Secondly, when you’re busy with client work, it’s easy for the dreaded mum guilt to kick in because you want to be present for your kids but also need to hit your deadline. This can lead to you feeling pulled in different directions, which can be overwhelming.
That’s why it’s important to be strict with yourself and have a cut-off point for both work and mum time, to keep them separate as much as possible and avoid overwhelm.
The mental load
The mental load we carry as mums in business is heavy.
Even if you see us alone in a coffee shop, drinking our latte in peace, it’s likely we’re not truly alone. Our mental load will still be with us, weighing us down.
There’s so much to think about – both in our working lives and home lives – and this constant multitasking and pressure can take its toll on our mental health and wellbeing.
It can leave us feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious, guilty, and even resentful. It can also affect our relationships, productivity, creativity, and happiness.
Whether we prefer to do everything because we worry that someone else won’t do it to our standards, or we don’t want to burden someone else with a task, it’s important to remember that we’re only human and have limits.
Writing down your thoughts and the tasks you need to complete can be a good way to offload.
So, next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the thoughts in your head, write them down. This will help clear your mind and make things a little less stressful. Then, go through the list and see what you can delegate to other people.
By managing your mental load better, you can reduce your stress and improve your quality of life.
The support network
Having a good support network can help you fulfill your roles as both a mum and business owner more easily. Plus it’s good to have people to talk to if you ever feel like you’re struggling.
If you’re in a position to, outsourcing is a great way to relieve some of the pressure that’s put on us as mums. Despite what society might think, outsourcing isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s a strength.
It’s good for kids to go to nursery or a childminder and mix with other people. Similarly, if you’ve got school-aged children, after-school clubs can be a godsend.
Similarly, when you’re busy with work and keep putting off the things you’ve been meaning to do for ages (or have one particular task that you hate doing), outsourcing those tasks to someone else can really help lighten the load – in more ways than one.
And it could even be as simple as your partner making dinner one night a week or a friend picking the kids up from school, instead of you doing it. Because we’re not superwoman and shouldn’t be expected to do everything.
Self-care and burnout
There are only so many hours in the day. So inevitably, something has to give. And more often than not, it’s ourselves we put at the bottom of our list of priorities – below the kids, below work, below our partner, and even below the household chores sometimes.
Yet we need to look after ourselves in order to keep everything else going. If we fall ill, who’ll look after the kids and the partner? Who’ll keep your business ticking over? Who’ll do the household chores?
It may seem completely unachievable but taking a little ‘me time’ can really help clear your head, improve your mental and physical wellbeing, and help avoid burnout.
It’s not about locking yourself in a room and meditating for hours on end (although that sounds very appealing). It’s about taking little moments, even just 20 minutes before everyone else gets up. The most important thing is you spend that time doing what you want to do – whether that’s exercising, practising mindfulness techniques, writing your to-do list for the day, or reading a magazine.
Overcoming stereotypes
Despite being a business owner, we’re still expected to carry out our duties as a mum.
Mums are often the ‘default parent’ and tend to be the first port of call if our child is ill at school or nursery. They’re the ones who get the emails about the school fundraiser and donations for the teachers’ Christmas gifts.
There’s also a lot of pressure to be ‘the perfect mum’. You only have to scroll through your Instagram or Facebook feed to find 100s of things you should and shouldn’t do as a mum.
But there’s no such thing as the perfect mum because everyone’s idea of perfection is different. Keeping you and your family happy and healthy is all that matters.
If you don’t want to volunteer to be on the school PTA, don’t volunteer. Just because one of the other mums is doing it, doesn’t mean you have to, too.
It’s a learning curve
Running a business is like raising another child. You have to nurture it to help it grow. That takes time and patience – often more than we’d like – because other things get in the way. But we’re not ones to give up easily, especially when it’s something we believe in and have a passion for. We learn as we go – both as a mum and a business owner. Yes, we’ve probably all made some mistakes along the way, but we learn from them. There’s definitely an element of winging it in both parenthood and being a business owner.
Give yourself some credit
It’s tough being a mum and a business owner. There will be challenges to overcome and sometimes we might feel like it’s all too much. but both jobs are so satisfying and rewarding.
Running your own business comes with its rewards. For starters, you don’t need to get anyone else’s permission to make a decision, the success of your business is in your hands, and you can take all the credit!
Being a parent is the most rewarding job imaginable. You’ve created an actual person who is growing up and making their own mark on the world.
Sure, there are times when they do your head in and you question your life choices. But when they get a fantastic report from school or they remember their pleases and thank yous when out in public, it’s ok to beam with pride because it’s all down to you. And, despite your reservations, you’re actually pretty good at this parenting gig.
Jo Martin is a freelance copy and content writer and founder of the Grammar Mamma. She’s a mum of two girls and specialises in writing blogs, social media posts, emails, and web copy for fellow mums in business.
So if you feel stuck when it comes to allowing your business baby to grow, she can help by taking the content writing off your plate, meaning you can focus on other things!